Insights From Adopting a Child with Disabilities
Person holding hands with child. Courtesy, Canva
Guest Writer, Leah Sutterlin - National Council For Adoption
Adopting a child with disabilities can be a very life-giving and rewarding opportunity, but it can also present its own challenges to new parents.
Christina and Jason Kruse from Wisconsin adopted Kaiden at the age of ten months, who has cerebral palsy and was on oxygen and a gastrostomy tube, among other medical complexities.
Shawn and James Howard from Florida adopted Theo at birth, who was diagnosed with Down syndrome and Hirschsprung's disease, a condition requiring a colostomy bag.
Holly Lindsay from Colorado adopted her son with Down syndrome Beckett at one month old, who required heart surgery in the first months of life.
Here are some lessons learned from these three families who adopted disabled children through ACF Adoptions.
Ask questions when reviewing adoption profiles
During the adoption process, Christina explained that they received several potential children’s profiles and consulted with a friend with medical expertise to understand the different conditions. Christina advised prospective parents to ask questions to understand the terminology of different care and treatment options to make an informed decision.
Holly said, “[Prior to adopting Beckett], I volunteered with the local Down syndrome association, and I had interacted with many kids in the hospital [through my medical profession] and in life. I think it’s important to understand the special need going into the adoption process. I think it’s valuable to join groups online or in the community to understand what the day-to-day would be like.”
Learn about available resources
One of the misconceptions about private domestic adoption is that it is unaffordable, but that is not the case, particularly for special needs adoption. From the beginning of the adoption process, many states offer subsidies to offset adoption and post-adoption costs, which an adoption agency can help navigate.
Shawn explained, “We were able to qualify for severa grants that are for people adopting children with special needs. By intervening early through a program called Florida Early Steps, we were able to also enroll him in two special therapies.”
“‘I’ve been able to join the Down Syndrome Diagnosis Network and various Facebook groups,” added Holly. “Our local Down syndrome group and early childhood intervention have been very helpful to us.”
Find a support system and learn to advocate for your child
“There was no training going into this,” said Christina, who explained that she tried to learn as much as possible on her own about Kaiden’s diagnoses at the onset.
She added, “Thankfully, one thing that we learned quickly is that we are not alone. Each county and community has different resources and we recently attended a fair to explore all the options. There’s a huge support network. Children’s Wisconsin and Birth to 3 Program have been very helpful for us and have given us referrals to other organizations - for example, to help with Kaiden’s vision issues. Everyone wants to set your child up for success.”
James mentioned that he also benefited from Employee Resource Groups at work, which helped him to connect with other parents of children with special needs.
Sometimes getting a child the attention they need, whether that be Individualized Education Plans or timely medical appointments, can take persistence. “I called every day for a week for an MRI and then finally they scheduled us for the next week,” said Christina. “I learned that you have to constantly advocate for your child.”
Appreciate your child’s own journey
Every child is unique and these parents want to normalize special needs adoption, while also appreciating and celebrating their child’s differences.
Shawn said, “People looking in from the outside have said, “Thank you for doing what you’re doing.’ I know it comes from a good place, but it’s just normal parenting to us and we’re not heroes. We’re fortunate to have [Theo].”
He elaborated, “Sometimes it’s easy to compare Theo to other children, but we need to remember that our child is on his own timeline. He is 100% who he is meant to be and how he is meant to be. Patience is key.”
Holly concluded, “I think it’s important to not let anyone - doctors, therapists, your families - put artificial barriers or limits on your child and let them be a person independent of their diagnosis and find their path in life.”
Adopting a child with disabilities is not always easy, but many children with disabilities domestically and internationally need loving homes. By learning about the specific special need(s) and finding a supportive community, parents can help these children thrive and develop, reaching their full potential.