6 Disabled People Who Are Overcoming Their Naysayers
Woman dancing happily.
By Arielle Dance, Writer at Diversability
“Oh Yes, I have indeed proven my providers wrong! I am so proud of myself!” - Laura Andert
When I was diagnosed with endometriosis as a teenager, I was overwhelmed by people telling me I was going to be infertile and would not have a normal journey to parenthood. Later, when I was hospitalized for pulmonary embolisms, I was repeatedly told that pregnancy would be impossible without potential life threatening blood clots. I recall family members questioning my womanhood because I was not a real parent. Now, nearly 20 years after my initial diagnosis, I have found a unique path to parenthood. Although I was not able to get pregnant, I wish a provider or loved one would have assured me that parenthood comes in many forms. Nurturing and supporting young people can appear different in every family and someone's fertility should never be a measure of their ability to provide that care.
Overcoming obstacles and proving the naysayers wrong can be an extremely satisfying and rewarding experience. “The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do…The feeling of accomplishment and self-satisfaction that comes from proving others wrong and achieving something you never thought possible is truly indescribable.”
When someone is disabled, there are always folks who want to give unsolicited advice. Some of this advice comes in the form of a warning or reminder of what your capabilities should be. These statements may begin with “Because of your disability…” and the follow up may be, “You will never be able to travel or leave home”, “You should not try to become a parent”, or even, “You will not survive”. But for our Diversability Leadership Collective members, these naysayers were proven wrong.
Jill Wolfe | she/her
Jill lives with retinitis pigmentosa which causes blindness. With the assistance of her guide dog, she continues to break barriers and prove people wrong. Jill was told that skiing would never be possible but recently attended the Disabled Veterans Winter Sports Clinic in Aspen. Despite feeling unsure about the process, Jill learned to ski. “My whole family skis, and I thought that I was never going to be able to join them on a ski trip again after my diagnosis in 2020. However, I ended up skiing several blue runs by myself”. Now that Jill has a better handle on skiing as a visually impaired person, she has fully embraced adaptive sports. Previously, Jill loved mountain biking and thought the joy of bike riding was gone. However, through tandem bike riding, Jill has rediscovered her joys of being on bike.
Learning to ski with her fairly new diagnosis makes Jill feel empowered and confident. She is looking forward to trying new adventures like racing a car. She believes that doing these activities is more about proving to herself that she is capable and not necessarily proving others wrong. She knows there are many people who are surprised by what she has accomplished since losing her vision, even if they have not shared that opinion with her directly.
Laura Andert | she/her
Laura has cerebral palsy which impacts her motor skills. At diagnosis during childhood, medical providers told her parents that life would be difficult for Laura. She has proved her providers wrong in so many ways. Through perseverance and self-advocacy, Laura has accomplished a multitude of life events she envisioned, and continues to work towards. She created this daily affirmation that helps her make new paths daily, "You are the Creator of your future. No one else can do it for you."
Laura feels empowered, proud, confident, and boastful about the amazing things she has done. She also feels nonchalant and indifferent about these accomplishments. She believes that at this point in her life, if there is anything someone says she cannot do, she will ignore them and do it anyway. Her advice for others is to, first, ignore the people in your life who say you can't do something. Following that, she encourages folks to go forth and do what they want to do. With research and self-advocacy, people can find ways to accomplish any goal. “If we rely on other people's opinions and we don't agree with them, there is [one choice] we can make. We can sit back and let life pass us by… or we [can] take those risks and see what happens…The [choice] is ours and ours alone to make.”
Morgan McCarthy | she/her
Morgan was diagnosed with Spastic Diplegia Cerebral Palsy and Brachydactaly. She was told that she would never run. Over time, Morgan explored what running could be for her body. Now, Morgan identifies as a “gym rat” who works out regularly. “My brain figured out how to sprint at the end of February.” Accomplishing the unthinkable makes Morgan feel empowered, proud, and confident in herself. She reminded other disabled people that what they are striving for may manifest in different ways than expected but you can absolutely do what others think is impossible. Moving forward, she looks forward to another adventure… falling in love.
Nico Meyering | he/him
Nico has Congenital Central Hypoventilation Syndrome (CCHS) which impacts his automatic impulse to breathe independently. He was repeatedly told that he wouldn’t be able to live on his own. The worry for his family was that he would not be able to wake up when his ventilator alerted or would fall asleep without connecting to his vent. Nico believes that his family’s worry overroad their ability to implement solutions. “I had seen how their chronic worry stalled values like joy, progress and innovation.” Despite the immense anxiety his parents shared, they prepared him for independent care of his disability and how to handle any medical crisis that arose.
Nico was determined to move out and live on his own, independent of his parents’ monitoring. When he first left, he agreed to regular phone calls with them throughout the day to assure his parents of his well being. These daily calls shifted as Nico’s personal and professional life grew. Over time, he was motivated to move even farther away from home and lived in various states over the years. “I created my own care and emergency plans, consulting online resources. I didn't want to involve my parents in making those plans.” Nico is now married and lives with his wife but rarely visits with his family.
Nico feels empowered, proud, confident, yet unbothered when he reflects on how he built his own independence. Moving forward, he still has dreams of playing a casual game of basketball. He has childhood memories of trying basketball and wonders how his adult body will respond. His advice to other disabled folks is to show people how you will do the things they tell you you cannot do. And if people continue to express doubt, worry, or negativity, remember that they may be temporary fixtures in your life.
Puneet Singh Singhal | he/him
Puneet has dyspraxia, dyslexia, and stuttering that cause extreme social anxiety. In the workplace, he was taunted whenever he spoke in a public setting. This teasing motivated Puneet to dream about being featured on a podcast or hosting a major event. When he’d share this dream, he was ridiculed by others. Despite the discouragement he received, Puneet has proven people wrong repeatedly. He has served as a keynote speaker at an international conference and spoken on numerous panels. Moving forward, Puneet is slated to perform in the Disability Unite Festival 2023 and speak in the Disability Expo in the United Kingdom this year. One accomplishment he is most proud of is having been a guest in half a dozen podcasts and one Youtube Live, surpassing his own expectations.
Puneet feels extreme pride and empowerment when he reflects on proving people wrong. He also acknowledges the mix of emotions that come up for him when he accomplishes something he was discouraged from doing. He thrives in not trying to prove a point to others but rather proving his own self-worth. When asked if there are any other tasks he still wants to overcome, Puneet disclosed that he has accomplished enough and doing it all was exhausting. “Being disabled [as well as] economically and socially marginalized, I am exhausted and drained. Now I want to live for myself and discover my own dreams beyond validation, money and other capitalistic aspirations.”
A common theme among these disabled people is to go after what you want despite any naysayers. Know that those naysayers may be medical providers, colleagues, or even loved ones. Nonetheless, your desires and dreams matter more than their negativity. There are always alternatives and adaptations to help achieve goals.
Thank you to the members of the Diversability Leadership Collective for their thoughtful responses.