Event Recap: Disability and Sexuality

By Katherine Lewis, Content Manager at Diversability

For our November installment of Diversability Unplugged, the Diversability team hosted four panelists to present Diversability Unplugged: Disability and Sexuality. Held on November 16th, 2021, this event delved into the often taboo and poorly represented topic of sexuality in the disability community. Our panelists included Robin Wilson-Beatie (she/her), Spencer West (he/him), Caz Killjoy (they/them), and Emerson Wheeler (they/them). The event was attended by Diversability community members and was moderated by Whitney Bailey, Director of Operations for the Diversability team.

This month’s session examined the intersections of disability and sexuality, the complexities of both identities, and the spectrum of experiences that exists between them. Panelists answered a number of targeted questions, shared personal stories, and engaged with attendees in a Q&A session to close out the event.

Diversability’s Whitney Bailey kicked off the evening by welcoming attendees and sharing more about Diversability’s work. She, as well as the four panelists then briefly introduced themselves before diving into the evening’s topics.

Sexuality Defined

Panelists introduced themselves and briefly defined what sexuality means to them. For Spencer, sexuality encompasses the entirety of a person’s expression - from clothing choices and personal expression, to sexual orientation, sexual activities, and even language choices. “They are all those things wrapped into one,” he states. Caz generally agreed, expounding to include personal thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Sexual expression can include a myriad of expressions. This may manifest in the form of solo or secretive expression, involve one or many partners, or a combination of many. The one requirement is that whatever expression is chosen, it must be consensual between all involved. Robin and Emerson both reminded us that regardless of how each of us defines sexuality, it is incredibly diverse.

Embracing Sexuality

The journey to fully embracing sexuality is incredibly individual and almost always a non-linear and complex one. And a variety of factors influence our ability to fully embrace and express our sexuality - Upbringing, specific events, and societal signals/stigma, being the most prevalent.

Panelists took the opportunity to tell their own stories of embrace with attendees. Spencer, who was raised in Wyoming in the 1980’s remembers all of the media and social messaging portraying heterosexuality as the only viable sexuality. Because of the barrage of heteronormative messages surrounding him, it wasn’t until the age of 21 that he presented as anything other than heterosexual, despite everything within him screaming otherwise. Especially during the 1980’s homosexuality was viewed as both taboo and oftentimes dangerous because of significant violence towards gay people. For many like Spencer, this was another strong motivator against fully embracing and presenting as gay in the public eye.

Robin’s experience was not altogether different. She grew up in the same decade in the South and attributes much of her delayed embrace of her sexuality to an environment in which heterocentric norms were almost exclusively accepted. For her, the added messaging that anything outside of heteronormative sexuality was amoral and dismissive of acceptable values was a significant factor in her journey. Many teens and young adults living in the South attribute their struggle with sexual self-acceptance to these kinds of messages.** For her, the added impact of disability changed the way she thought about how sexuality was “supposed” to manifest, especially as her body continued to change. Today, Robin has become more comfortable with her sexual identities - both heteroflexible and polyamorous.

To continue the discussion about disability and sexuality, Caz focused on the fact that although they have always embraced their sexual desires, they have not always had access to act on those desires with their partners because of their disabilities. Because of the complicated issue of access, Caz has come to enjoy an active sex life even without partners; a fat they see as a true blessing. As an openly gender-queer person who lives with a cognitive disability, Caz is diligent to remain empathetic towards those who struggle to use correct pronouns or present others’ sexual identities because they understand firsthand it can be difficult. Over the years, Caz has found a variety of forms of sexual expression like kink by which their sexuality can flourish as a disabled person.

Emerson knew very early on they were queer. “As soon as I new what the word gay was and that there were more things to be than straight, I knew who I was”, Emerson says. Despite this early understanding of their sexuality, they were outed before they were ready, an unfortunately still frequent occurrence**. As an early adult, Emerson thought they had to be sexually active because it’s portrayed as a right-of-passage of sorts. It wasn’t until they recognized their asexuality that they felt liberated from the pressures of sexual activity.

**https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00918369.2013.806179

Disability and Sexuality

The remainder of the event was focused on the stigmas, misconceptions, experiences, and relevant issues related to disability and sexuality.

We started by first asking panelists about a recent statistic that “50% of disabled people do not have any form of a regular sex life.” Each panelist shared their thoughts on why the stigmas exist in the first place and how it affects disabled people’s willingness to engage in sexual expression. Society often portrays disability through the lens of the medical model, instilling the notion that disabled people are ‘broken’ and cannot engage in sexual acts. The general societal consensus that both disability and sex are taboo acts as additional generators for stigma.

Panelists also discussed intimacy as it relates to disabled life as well as misconceptions, access to sexual healthcare, and ways we and our allies can ensure disability is included and represented in both personal and collective conversations around sexuality.

Watch the recap of the event below. You can also continue the conversation in our paid community, Diversability Leadership Collective, or our Facebook group.